This past week brought about a strange anniversary for me.
Technically it’s the anniversary of a second wedding I had with my hubby in Las Vegas, which sounds lovely enough. But unfortunately it’s also the anniversary of the day I let everyone I love down, including myself (and a defining moment in my new path as a recovering Hot Mess.)
Long story short, I decided the day before my wedding would be a good time to get loser drunk, disappoint my husband beyond repair, blow off all the people that had travelled down to Las Vegas to spend time with us prior to the wedding, AND sleep through a once in a lifetime concert where my hubby and I had won front row tickets that cost over $10k. Lovely.
My wedding day was obviously not as great as I had hoped. I knew I had fucked up. Bad. I wasn’t convinced I’d have anyone standing with me at the alter, groom included. And I deserved it, because up until that moment I had lived my life for one person and one person alone: myself. My needs and wants came first, always. And this was just one of many examples to prove my messed up priorities.
I don’t know if it was a subconscious overcompensation of a dysfunctional childhood, or just something I learned along the way, but my attitude was destructive, selfish and unacceptable.
So what do you do when you take a good look in the mirror, and see, well, a piece of shit? You make some life changes. I’m living proof that things can get better. People who know me today have a hard time believing the stories of my past life, and how I used to behave, because it is so far from who I’ve become.
Why am I sharing this with you? Because I don’t know where you are in your life today, and I need you to know that no matter how many times you’ve fucked up, you can transform your life in a radical way and become someone you are truly proud of. And you can start today.
How do you change your life in a radical way? By changing your thoughts. By changing the way you talk to yourself. By forgiving yourself, and whoever else has hurt you. By being patient. By opening your heart to the possibility of you transforming your life. By believing it is possible. By believing that anything is possible. By having faith in your life, and your purpose. By investing in your future by taking tiny “right” steps in the direction of who you aspire to be.
Even if your life wasn’t as out of control as mine was, there is always an area in our lives that can be improved. Whether it’s our physical body, our relationships, or perhaps the relationship we have with ourselves. We can always love ourselves more, and accept ourselves better. We can forgive ourselves more quickly. We can evolve every day towards our highest good. That’s what life is all about.
I used to look back at my past with such shame and regret, but today I can see that those experiences all got me to where I am today. Everything in our life happens for a reason, and no matter where you stand in your journey of growth and evolution, there is always hope.
Happiness, love and joy are your birthright. You deserve it all and then some. You are lovable on your worst day, so from this moment on begin accepting all the good in life. The past does not define you. Today is a brand new day, a blank canvas, that is why they call it the present.
It's a gift. And it's here for you whenever you're ready. Love who you are today, no matter where you are on the hot mess scale, and then strive to be a wiser, stronger, better version of yourself - if you choose to. But never strive to change because you don't believe you're good enough as is. Because you are.
Sending you love, light & good vibes,