I’ve been a big promoter of self-love and loving yourself, but have had a difficult time practicing what I preach. Sure I’ve made progress, but I was looking for that big “uh-huh!” moment where it all came together and I could love myself completely.
My childhood wasn’t perfect, but whose was? I didn’t know if it was the only cause for my pain, or what exactly was going on. I felt like no matter how much I told myself “I love you” and tried different methods, in the heat of the moment I would always turn on myself and go into ‘self-hatred’ mode.
I had a subconscious stress that I had a hard time breaking and it wasn’t until yesterday that I truly ever let it all go! And I feel better today than I ever have in my entire life!
In the past, all my happiness came from external sources such as achievements, positive reinforcement, and feeling “accepted” because I couldn’t find true happiness from within. Let me tell you, finding happiness from within is the greatest thing I’ve ever done for myself, and something I couldn’t put a price on.
Today I can shamelessly hug myself and really mean it. I feel a sense of self that I have never experienced in my past, and I am so excited to share with all of you what I did to get here.
For those of you who don’t know this, I am a firm believer in meditation. The body-mind-soul connection is more powerful than you will ever understand, and without all three elements being supported you cannot feel complete fulfillment in life. This is my opinion, and one that I live by. The way I feel speaks for itself, and if this sounds a little extreme for you, just try it anyways. Worst case you’ve burned a few minutes of your life, but at least you did something in an attempt for happiness. I don’t ever see that as a waste of time.
If this is your first time meditating, it’s very simple. Lay there and relax. It’s literally that simple! Some people like to listen to their breathing to get them in tune with this peace, some like to count silently in their minds while trying to keep all other thought silent, some like to think of their lives and review it calmly in their mind, while other prefer guided meditation. The idea is to recognize your energy, and try to calm your mind, body and spirit. Don’t get too hung up on how to do it “correctly” as there is no such thing. Everyone finds peace in their own way.
I plan to meditate every day, but if I can do it more often than that, then all the power to me! It’s one of those things that you can never have too much of. It is establishing a relationship between your physical body and your spiritual self. This relationship is the most important relationship you will ever make in your life!
I personally find that guided mediation is one of the best ways to begin this process, because it tells you things to focus on, and it will keep you in a state of peace, IF you can get over how strange it all is. Don’t waste precious energy thinking “Wow, people are going to think I’m insane” or “I hope no one knows I’m doing this”. If someone extremely successful was doing something really “out there” would you think it was crazy, or would you think ‘well if it works for them, I’d give it a try’? The people who generate the most success in life do whatever it takes to achieve their dreams, and they normally do things a little differently than most - or else everyone would have that same level of success. Does this make sense?
So back to my transformation and life changing breakthrough! I have done many different forms of meditation and find different forms are good in different situations. I have also been doing a lot of emotional digging lately. Pinpointing (with pen and paper!) what emotions I have been feeling, and what situations in my past give me pain to think about. Once I had the “sad moments” down on paper, I’d pick them apart. I’d ask why they make me feel pain after all these years, how I can think of them differently, and what I learned from them.
Knowledge is power, and the more I could learn from and learn of these events, the more prepared I felt to take on this BEAST (if you will!). I had just completed some writing about my feelings when I felt compelled to meditate. Thinking about past hurts can leave you feeling a little wound up or exhausted at times, and I needed to clear my mind.
I felt drawn to listen to some “relaxation meditation” music, which you can easily find on YouTube or on any online search. So I popped my ear buds into my cell phone, and searched for the music I would listen to. I find these music selections can really help you relax and can help you find that peace within.
In the suggestions box I saw “Inner Child Guided Mediation” and I immediately felt that was the choice I had to make. It felt like destiny for some unknown reason.
I know that I have harbored unresolved issues with my childhood, teens and young adulthood. I knew it but didn’t understand how to do anything about it. I had tried to deal with my issues on a surface level, but couldn’t get deep enough to put it all behind me.
This guided meditation took me through the process of acknowledging your subconscious mind, and appreciating its part in your life. I thanked my subconscious for being a part of me and for dealing with a lot of negative emotions I have forced on it, without ever resolving them afterwards. It was a simple relationship builder between my conscious and subconscious mind. But in this session it was referred to as a Mother and Inner Child relationship. Our relationship was established, nourished and trust was introduced.
I apologized for all the pain I pushed to my inner subconscious, or Inner Child, and asked for forgiveness. During this powerful process I was able to forgive MYSELF for years of inner anguish and pain. Once forgiveness was given, I opened up to the idea of how much I love my Inner Child, and essentially myself. I began to understand why I have overreacted in my past, and how some situations felt so much more painful than the mild event should have felt.
I learned so much more than I have time to share in this blog, but I am currently writing a self-help book, and it’ll make for a one Hell of a chapter in that book!
Once the meditation was complete and I was instructed to open my eyes, it was like I was seeing the world for the first time. I opened my eyes, and there was no pain inside. I truly loved myself, and not in a hokey statement kind of way, but in a full blown love affair kind of way. I gave myself a gentle hug and closed my eyes again with a giant megawatt smile, and I felt like a brand new woman.
If this sounds intense to you, it’s because it WAS intense. I’m smiling ear to ear typing this because it is something I have wanted for myself for such a long time, and at times I thought it was impossibility. I felt like I had tried so many things, and was getting some results, but not the transformation I was looking for.
Now I have experienced it, and felt what it takes to love myself entirely. Do I think I’m perfect? Absolutely not! Do I think perfection is overrated? Sure do! We are all unique and different for a reason! It’s what makes us, US! So now that I have dropped the baggage I have been carrying around for the majority of my life, I feel free to love myself, and my life, with all of my heart.
Maybe this blog isn’t for you, and it’s just too much for you to wrap your head around. Maybe you think this story is a big load of crap, and I just got drunk. Haha! I can’t say I blame you, but if you could take this success story to heart for a moment, and just take it as a nudge to gauge your self-love and see where you stand on the topic. Maybe this isn’t an issue for you, and you’ve worked hard enough to fully love yourself with all your great traits and maybe some not-so-great ones! If so, I am sincerely happy for you.
This is all I’ve personally ever wanted for myself, and now to have it is surreal. It’s a real transformation, and I’m seeing everything through different eyes. I so desperately want you to feel this same freedom, warmth and love.
If you struggle with the same issues, or maybe something similar, do yourself a favor and make it a priority. That is the only way that change can be made. Schedule time in your busy schedule for a time to reflect on your feelings. Especially the bad ones. It is painful, and can be difficult to commit to, but the more comfortable you become with analyzing your negative emotions, the closer you will be to having your own breakthrough.
The subconscious mind is incredibly strong, and in my life I have always felt it was the enemy. But now I realize it was simply an abused part of myself, that I chose to ignore. I put all the burdens of my life on its shoulders, and then resented the fact that it would react with negative self-talk, and overreactions. Now I understand that anyone would react to being mistreated the way I mistreated my Inner Child.
At the end of the day, my inner “Beast” is where I found my greatest inner Beauty.
Do something every day to reinforce your love to yourself. I’ll be blogging a lot in the future about this topic, because I feel it’s one of the greatest tools in living a life of happiness. Ex that, I KNOW it is. And if you can believe me and give this a real effort, you will be amazed at the results.
To try out the 20 minute guided Inner Child Meditation session, click on the link below. Do it with an open mind, and without judgment. Spiritual progress cannot be made in a negative state. Have faith that you can reconnect with yourself on a level you never have before, and that all pain within you can be healed with due diligence. Create the most important relationship in your life today, with yourself. Loving yourself is natural once you have created that open and trusting relationship.
From here, the opportunities for inner growth are unlimited. Please give me feedback on how you felt about this meditation, and this blog in general. I hope it has served you in some way. Fate is as real as you and me, and I truly believe you stumbled upon this blog for a reason. This message was meant to be received, so do what you want with it, and I wish you the absolute best in this day, and all the days following it <3 Know that you are loveable, and deserving of love. <3
As promised, here is the Inner Child Meditation Advanced Subliminal Version shared by Mark Ryan.
I wish you a Happy, Healthy and Fulfilling 2014!
I sincerely look forward to serving you in any way that I can, and sharing this journey with you.
(This blog is archived from Jan 4, 2014)