What do climbing Mt Everest, catching a road runner and forgiving assholes have in common? They are all suuuuper hard to do. And take a hell of a lot of effort. So let’s dive in on my personal specialty: forgiveness.
As I mentioned in my Holiday Survival Guide:
We often hold off on forgiveness because we feel that
a) we are letting them off the hook
b) they don’t deserve it and
c) we don’t want them in our lives.
But forgiveness is quite the contrary, we are essentially:
a) letting ourselves off the hook for all that resentment
b) we deserve this freedom of emotional baggage
c) just because you forgive someone doesn’t mean they’re your new bff. Forgive for your own well-being and maintain a safe distance if need be. Forgiveness is about your own liberation.
So we all know that resentment is like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies. We know it accomplishes nothing but sabotages our own inner peace. We know it’s no good for us, but how in the heck do we stop doing it?
I’m glad you asked, here’s four tips to help you heal:
Admit the Benefit
If you could really admit to yourself how beneficial it would be to let this thing go, you have officially completed the first step. I’m not saying it’s easy to let go, because often assholes have done nothing to improve the situation, or maybe they are continually a pain in the ass. Forgive them anyways. Do it for yourself, don’t let resentment rot you from the inside. Choose to focus your energy on the amazing people in your life that love and honour you.
Understanding is Powerful
So you’re walking down the road and someone bumps into you, you turn around super pissed off, and just before you can scream you see that person is blind. Instantly your mood changes. Your understanding has calmed your rage. Try this with the assholes in your life. Yes they are ridiculous, negative and impossible to be around, but they are human beings that (although it may be hard to believe at times) are trying their best. They were born a perfect baby who loved everything, and something has happened between point A and point B to change that. Get curious, ask questions and try to understand why they became such assholes. It will help ease your resentments.
Keep a Safe Distance
Remember that just because we forgive people doesn’t mean we need to establish a bff relationship. Forgive them completely, then stay away from them if you’d prefer. If you can’t get away from them, keep a safe emotional distance. Protect your energy at all cost, keep communication to email if possible, and worst case seal your energy before going near them physically.
Take Back Your Power
Remember that no one can hurt us without our permission. This asshole doesn’t have a special superpower over you that instantly transforms your beautiful day into a hectic one. Choose love and peace no matter what they do. Choose joy despite their best efforts to piss you off. Your energy is your most precious commodity, protect it at all costs. Know that you have the strength to do that, it is yours, and no one can take it away from you without your permission.
Is there anything that helped you forgive an asshole that I’ve missed? Comment below and share your story.
Sending love, light and peace,