I celebrate Mother's Day with all my heart, but it'll never be "my" day. It’s not exactly breaking news that I don't want to have kids.
It’s not that I don’t see the merit in it. I’ve seen the beauty of motherhood first-hand, through my dearest friends. I’ve seen their world light up with emotions, joy and love at the sight of their new baby. I’ve seen their life reach depths they never knew existed.
The warmth I've seen is impossible to describe. It’s truly heartwarming, and yet; I don’t want it.
I think the problem is simple: my biological clock is BUSTED. Beyond repair.
As much as I like to look (from a distance) at a cute baby, my brain doesn’t ever link the warm fuzzies to any kind of desire for my own. Maybe for moment or two, but then I get thinking.
I see the prospect of reproduction as a simple equation. I weigh out the pros vs cons. The cost vs reward. For many, this equation is heavily in favour of the pros, but for me: I see financial stress, emotional stress, lack of sleep, etc, etc.
The idea of having a baby would be nice. But so is doing whatever I want the rest of my life. Sleeping in when I want. Focusing the rest of my life on self-care. Chasing passions fearlessly, not worrying about the potential affect a failure could have on the upbringing of my child.
You see, there are pros to both sides of the coin.
And unless having a baby is a burning desire, why wouldn't I choose the less stressful route? Alas came my decision (with my hubby) to not have babies.
Why Am I sharing this? Because maybe you're just like me.
Maybe you feel shame about your lack of interest in having a family. I know I did. I felt like a defective woman. I have all these body parts for making a baby, but I don’t want to.
I also had guilt because I knew so many woman who tried for years to have a baby, and I was choosing not to because… “meh”
I’m here to tell you once and for all: fuck that.
There is no “one size fits all” template for a happy life. There is only a world of totally unique individuals trying to figure out what a happy life looks like to them. So stop being apologetic for choosing a different life if it'll make you happy.
Women fought long and hard for our right to choose, and exercising your right one way or the other is one radical step you can take for your own happiness.
If you want to have a baby; make a baby. If you don’t want to, don’t. And if you’re not sure, wait. But whatever you choose in your life, on this topic or another, do it because it sets your soul on fire. Not because society, your mother, or anyone in this world is telling you that you “should”.
All you need to do is follow that guidance system within your heart. Do what feels right to you. If you continue to follow your heart's desire, you will look back at a life filled with "too legit to quit" joy.
You are a miracle. Against all odds (about 1 in 40 million) you were born. And your prize for overcoming these insurmountable odds are a life of your very own.
One where you get to call the shots, and custom design a life that matters to you.
Don't take that lightly. Whatever you do, don't half ass it. Whatever you decide, do it with your full ass. And do it unapologetically. Because this life, that you're living, it's all yours. Never forget that.
Sending love & light,