How to Heal When You're Hurt

​We’ve all been there: on the receiving end of something hurtful. Probably from someone we care about.
Whether it was a hurtful comment, a betrayal, or a total abandonment, we’ve all felt the sting of heartbreak, and the seemingly inevitable transformation of that hurt into inner turmoil. We’ve taken a situation that happened TO us, and made it ABOUT us.

We tell ourselves we clearly aren’t worth loving, we are bad people (and that’s why this happened), or my own personal favourite, I’m not good enough. We take a situation that could warrant massive self-compassion and instead turn it into an opportunity for self-loathing.

We pick ourselves apart like a defence attorney and build a case of how we are to blame for the heartbreak. We decide that we somehow deserved it, that this always happens to us, and that we would be better off alone in a bunker somewhere than ever let this happen to us again.

Does this sound a little extreme? Is this just me? I wish it were. But I hear it all the time. From my friends, from my family and from my community of hot messes across the globe.

We believe that we are not good enough, not lovable and not deserving of good things, and so the universe gives us constant evidence to support our theory. The universe loves us enough to give us what we declare.

We already know how powerful our words and thoughts are, so we must choose them wisely and be mindful of over identifying with thoughts that are disempowering.

One of my favourite lessons in The Four Agreements is “Don’t Take Anything Personally”. This may sound like legit advice, but it’s terribly hard to follow through in the heat of the moment. Because things DO appear to be happening to us. When someone says or does something horrible to us, how could it NOT be about us? 

But the truth is: it isn’t about you. It’s about the person doing the bad deed. It’s their choice, their beliefs, their perception, their words, their actions. It’s all them. Even if their action is in reaction to what you originally did; it’s still all about them. In their minds, they decided what you did was unacceptable. But that doesn’t necessarily mean it WAS. It just was to them. 

You can’t change or control another person, all you can control is YOU. So be kind, forgiving and accepting. Of yourself and others. Be responsible for yourself and your emotions. Because this rule goes both ways.

If you think someone hurt you, they didn’t. No one can hurt us without our permission. We allow ourselves to BE hurt. This may sound insane, but it’s true. Someone did something and we let that action affect us.

A boat does not sink because it’s surrounded by water, that ship only sinks if there’s a hole to allow the water inside. Same goes for our well-being – nothing can damage our state of mind unless we allow the negativity in. So be a water tight vessel for love and compassion. Don’t let the bullshit in.

You have much more power than you realize. The power you possess is in the choices that you have. You always have a choice. You can choose to protect your positive energy, or you can bite every time someone pushes your buttons.

If you want to be happy, choose happiness. If you want to be miserable and affected by each and every plot twist in life: live on emotional autopilot, believe every thought in your mind, and take everything personally.

Now that you know you have options, what will you choose?

Sending love, light and personal power,
​-L.K.