How to Forgive Yourself & Let That Shit Go

​Here’s the problem, Superstar: 

You take such amazing care of everyone around you, but sometimes forget that you’ve also got to take care of yourselves from time to time.

Sound about right?

It never ceases to amaze me how low we put ourselves on our to-do lists. If we were to make a list of all the people we love in this world, we might not ever get to the point where we remember to love ourselves. And that’s effed up.

Unfortunately the very same is true on our shit lists.

We have a list of people that have wronged us. And throughout the years, we learned that resentment is not serving us. We’ve become sick of L.K. sounding like a broken record, so we forgave some assholes. We let that shit go because life is too short for resentment.

But we’ve forgot someone verrry important in this healing process: ourselves. {Gasp!}

Yes, that’s right.

Because many of us subconsciously hold resentment against ourselves for the times we made mistakes, the days we weren’t perfect, the time we hurt that person so badly. When we didn’t live up to our own expectations.

Turns out we are perfectly imperfect after all. And if you’re anything like me you never make the same mistake twice either: you like to do that shit eight or nine times until you’ve really got the hang of it.

So why don’t we forgive ourselves? Because:

1. We don’t really consider ourselves enough to remember we have healing to do.
2. Sometimes we like to punish ourselves when we’ve done bad things.
3. We don’t feel we deserve redemption for the social injustice we’ve committed.
4. We don’t know how to forgive ourselves.

So let’s crush #1 by acknowledging the issue at hand. 

We’ve all done some ridiculous things in our life, and even if you think you’re over it, the shame may be lingering. So agree to go back there, to see the hot mess in action, and to think about how it might feel to be totally free from the guilt of it.

Guilt, resentment and shame carry some nasty low vibes, so let’s agree that life would be better without them. 

Release the resentment, because you can. It’s as simple as letting go. It may be a tough choice, but it’s not complicated.

Guilt serves us. It’s our moral compass telling us not to do that shit again. So appreciate it, and agree to not do that shit again. Seriously, so simple. But you’ve got to commit to it.

Shame is a little trickier. Shame hides in the shadows. Shame is destroyed the moment it’s brought out into the light. It’ll require some vulnerability, but you’ve got to discuss this with someone you trust. Tell them you’re working on forgiving yourself, but you need to run it by someone first. Once it’s out in the open, that shit can’t hurt you anymore. 

It may feel horrifying, but it’s like ripping off an emotional bandaid so your soul can breathe.

Here’s the thing: you are lovable even when you fuck up. Think of someone you love so much, and think about a time they hurt you, or did something dumb. Yes, you wanted to smack them, but you also still loved them. 

We can’t go back into the past to change our behaviour. But we do have an opportunity right now to be a stronger, wiser, better version of ourselves. By going back and learning the lessons from our mistakes, we can bring more love and understanding into our relationships.

Reach out to people and apologize. Own your shit. Earn your forgiveness if that’s what you need to do. But know that you can forgive yourself right now, in this instant, if you want to. You don’t deserve to be punished the rest of your life for a mistake you made. No matter how horrific you feel it may have been.

Your past does not dictate your future. Your perception does. Your actions today does. You will be better to those around you when you love and accept yourself. Because we simply can’t give what we don’t have.

Our ability to love is limited by how much love we can give ourselves.

So here is your chance to be a real superstar.

Can you be a big enough human, right now, to forgive yourself?

To let that shit go, once and for all?

No one on this planet is more deserving of our love than us. So I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive yourself, and to simply strive to be the best version of yourself that you can be. Today and forever more.

You do not need permission from anyone to live well, and to love yourself.

This is your time to shine, beautiful soul.

Sending love, light & forgiveness,
​-L.K.

PS - Here's a video from January about forgiving assholes, which can totally apply to forgiving ourselves because.. We can all be assholes sometimes ;)