It’s the most won-der-ful time, of the yearrrr….
Unless you’ve got some family drama going on, and then the holidays can be a bit stressful.
Luckily, this year I’m offering up a Holiday Survival Guide, to help heal the hurts before it’s time to get together. All I ask is that you keep an open mind, and a glimmer of Christmas spirit alive while you read on.
Conflict is difficult, but so is sitting next to someone you’re not getting along with over the holidays. Let’s see what we can do about that:
To forgive or not to forgive, that is the question. The obvious answer is “oh hell no” because they did this, and that hurt my feelings and they are pieces of crap. However, let’s take a moment to see who this is really punishing.. Yes I’m sure their lives are significantly more shitty without your presence in it (because you’re amazing, this is obvious), but you are the one who has to hoard all this hostility towards them. Buddha said “resentment is like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies.” Doesn’t really work that way now, does it?
We often hold off on forgiveness because we feel that
a) we are letting them off the hook
b) they don’t deserve it and
c) we don’t want them in our lives.
But forgiveness is quite the contrary: We are
a) letting ourselves off the hook for all that resentment
b) we deserve this freedom of emotional baggage
c) just because you forgive someone doesn’t mean they’re your new bff. Forgive for your own well-being and maintain a safe distance if need be. Forgiveness is about your own liberation.
Side-note: thou shall not judge because thou hast fucked up in the past also. No one is perfect, we all make mistakes. We are all imperfect and messy at times. But we are all lovable too. Be kind and remember that we’ve all made mistakes in our lives.
The Undercover Grinch: Expectations
If you’d like a 100% guarantee of zero disappointment this holiday season, take this one simple step: have ZERO expectations. Expectations are the undercover Grinch.
Disappointment is simply a by-product of an expectation that was not met. You expected this, it didn’t happen, and now you’re pissed about it. Think about it, is there any other reason to feel disappointed? Without an expectation, there is no way to feel disappointment.
Go in with an open mind, and if your family household is more like a circus, then grab a clown nose and go with it. Christmas isn’t about everything going perfectly according to your wishes, it’s about making memories. And the sillier, crazier and more ridiculous the festivities, the more hilarious memories you’ll take home with you.
This is the one time a year that you all get together, so try to leave your expectations at the door, and just be happy and grateful for the love in the room. You are the only person in the world you can control, so don’t expect others to change. Simply expect and accept people as they are, and know that it’s only temporary. You’ll be back home soon enough haha.
What You Focus On, Grows
If you’re focused on the shit, it’s going to grow, baby. But the wonderful news is, we get to choose what we want to focus on. So even if you’re unwilling to forgive that certain someone, you can focus your energy and attention on the people you adore. The ones that are loving and accepting of you. The ones that give you all the good feels.
Focus on all that you’re grateful for this Christmas season, and let those good vibes surround you. Life can be as wonderful as you allow it to be, and this is the best time of the year to count your blessings. Each moment is a miracle, that’s why they call it the present. It’s gift to be here, and to have people to share in this festive spirit.
So hold your loved ones close, and know that you are the only thinker in your mind. No one can hurt your feelings without your permission. Protect your precious energy from those who are disempowering, and shower your love on those who are empowering.
From my home to yours, Merry Christmas!
PS - Remember this video I filmed last year for Christmas? And the drama of the Red Starbucks cup? Enjoy!