Fear: Friend or Foe?

Most people reading this are probably looking at my title for this blog and wondering how in the Hell I’m going to convince you that fear could ever be your friend.  Fear is associated with pain, worry and negativity.  

We all know where I stand on perception and associations (if not, allow me to link you to my perceptions blog here) and that every single thing that you feel, you CHOOSE to feel.  If you hear a crash in the night, some people might hide under their covers in fear, and others might jump up and take action to see what made that noise.  It’s all about the person’s perception and how they react to it.  

Fear is one of those emotions rarely spoken about, but one that can run our lives daily.  We all have fears, and some are useful for survival.  If we are in a dangerous situation, our instincts tell us to fear the outcome, and that is most likely what keeps us alive.  The “no feeling” as my hubby likes to call it.  Those fears are resourceful because they keep us out of harm’s way, and force us to prepare for certain circumstances.  But what about all the other silly things we fear?

Let’s do the easy-reference fear of spiders.  I’m guilty of this one, and anything on this Earth with more than 4 legs (I don’t trust anything that needs more than 4 legs, unless it’s a puppy born with an extra limb lol).  So obviously if we were in Australia and there were poisonous spiders that could kill us, then that fear would be a good alert to stay safe, but what about those tiny white spiders that roam in your garden, that personally send me screaming and flailing around my yard if they go near my hand? While that fear may have originated from a  fear of poisonous spiders hundreds of years ago, the risk involved in those ugly little white spiders is slim to none today.  So why do we have the fear?

Obviously somewhere deep in our mind we have decided that these little demon spawns are either dangerous to us or pose some threat.  Why else would we avoid the shower for days on end, until our husband comes home to remove the eight-legged terrorist taking over the bathroom? No, that never happened to you? Yeah, me neither..

What I am proposing is that we take the time to look within for fears, and try exploiting them.  Perhaps there are subconscious fears within that are stopping us from completely enjoying the life we live.  So, if your #1 fear is spiders, what would happen if you held one? Would you actually die? You might feel like you want to, but chances are you will live to see another day.  You would feel anxious and might get some cold sweats or something, but you would survive.

I know that for a fact because I did a little experiment of my own, facing my two biggest fears: insects and heights.  No I didn’t skydive while covered in spiders, but one step at a time haha.  My first fear of bugs was faced when we found a particularly large water beetle (or some ungodly creature) and someone bet me $5 to put it on my shoulder.  Well damned if I am ever backing down to a bet, so I allowed that little sucker to hang on my shoulder long enough for a photo op.  I felt like a million bucks afterwards, and felt so incredibly brave.  So next was heights, I started small, with a 30ft repelling.  It sure didn’t feel small at the time haha.  Then needing to outdo that performance, I decided I would hop into a Bronto firetruck while a platform took me 130ft up in the air.  

My hands were sweaty and my knuckles were as white as could be, but I did it!  And I was able to do it because I recognized the simple fact that FEAR is nothing.  FEAR is simply our association of an event, it is something we have chosen that we don’t like.  But in the heat of the moment, if your child was dying in a pit of spiders, you’d get over the fear because you needed to.  There are times when people do extraordinary things under pressure, and so I simply adopted the strength in these moments because I was sick of being fearful.  It’s critical to show ourselves that limits are simply something we have decided, and limits are meant to be broken.

Did this act of bravery completely wipe out any fear I have in life? Heck no! But it sure did show me that I can mentally push myself through any limits I currently have in my life.  I have the ability and strength to overcome any obstacle, even something I never EVER thought I could do.  It’s empowering and is something I have built confidence with.

With this confidence I am able to tackle new fears in my life, as I uncover them.  This past week I actually stumbled across a major fear that haunts people their entire lives, and I thought it was about time I faced it on behalf of myself, and other people who might be suffering from this fear.  It’s a confession of sorts.  It is something I have hidden from people I know very well my entire life, and to this day still makes me nervous.  

My hands are sweating right now even believing I am doing this, but just like my fear of bugs and heights, this is only scary until I conquer it and prove to myself that I can push through anything, no matter how scary and intimidating it may seem.

I know it’s a silly fear too, just like the spiders, and I know no harm will ever come from it, but for years in my life I always felt I was different than others, and I worried what other people would think of me if they knew how I felt, or what I was thinking.  I didn’t mention my thoughts to anyone until I was about 19 years old.  To this day I hide a part of me, for fear of people’s reactions.  Maybe they would think differently of me? Who knows.  It was stupid, and I am sick of having this low-grade fear haunt me.  Especially one I developed as a young child, and have carried around all these years.  It’s time for a change.

I’ve learned so much about self-love, and if I can’t love and accept myself 100% then how can I expect others to?…  I’m bisexual, and I’m not afraid of who knows it.

I know you all are probably wondering why this confession would come 5 months after I married the man of my dreams? I know I had the same question when Anna Paquin (of True Blood) made the same confession after marrying her hubby.  It is simply out of need for identity and to show myself that the people I love will continue to love me regardless of my sexual orientation.  I am sick of feeling I need to hide who I am, and how I have felt my entire life.  If everyone in Facebook world knows, then pretty much anyone that matters knows, and then I can stop feeling secretly awkward whenever a “gay” topic comes up!

This is me challenging my fear head on, and taking action! Technically I haven’t posted this yet, so I still have a little bit of nerves that I experienced riding up 130ft in the air, but I know with all my faith that this fear will be put to bed forever once this has been posted! 

If anyone is interested, I’d be happy to share more on this topic.  I’d be happy to do anything that could help someone in my shoes, who feels different, and slightly unaccepted for who they were born to be.  I’m lucky enough to have the greatest husband on Earth who is so incredibly supportive of me in every aspect of life.  He’s the one who assured me how great it is that I am the way I am, and with that unconditional love, I have begun to develop it for myself! 

I’d like to challenge all the people reading this to push yourself a little beyond your limits this week.  Do something you never thought you could do.  Get a little too close to a spider, hit the gym and go lift weights beside the guys, tell your crush how you feel - be fearless in one act and you will begin to gain the confidence to be fearless in other areas of your life.  Fear is a waste of your time and resources, and think of all the things you could be accomplishing when you’re not held back by fear!

Thank you so much for reading this blog, and allowing me to be completely open and honest about my life, and the things that I have feared.  I hope sharing this vulnerability with you will allow you to become more vulnerable in your own lives.  Vulnerability is not weakness, it is the most brave thing you can be.

I love and appreciate each and every one of you, and I sincerely thank you for making my blogs a part of your day.


-L.K.

(Archived Jan 13, 2014)

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