BFFs, Bad Days and Rock Bottoms

Are You Helping or Harming Your Loved Ones Journey?

Regardless of if they are your dearest friend, a family member, or a co-worker, it's painful to watch anyone you care about struggle in life.

We can all empathize, we want their pain gone asap, and we'll do anything we can to fix the situation for them. We'll distract them, we'll kick down doors in vengence, or we'll take them away from it all for a weekend. We want their mind off the issues, and we want life back to beautiful normalcy. We want to see a smile return to our loved ones faces, and we'll do whatever it takes to get it there.

Despite our best intentions, this is not always the best route to take.

What if this person needs to feel some things? What if them hitting rock bottom (in the long run) ends up being the best thing that ever happened to them? What if they need to feel devastation to finally kick their asses in gear to make some radical changes in their lives?

Theoretically, we would be robbing them of this beautiful experience.

​So what do we do? Watch my latest video blog below:

The thing about intervening is, how do we know what is best for them in that moment? Yes, we would imagine taking their pain away should be helpful, but think of the thousands of success stories that all began with "I hit rock bottom and there was no way to go but up." What would happen if these people had been "saved" moments before their big epiphanies? What if someone decided to intervene before they reached that point where their entire life was changed?

Now I'm not saying you should deny your friend support or even advice, if they request it. What I am referring to is the habit of trying to fix things for people, because you think you know what's best. I'm referring to lending a helping hand when it hasn't been asked for. I'm talking about hovering Helicopter Friends!!! 

Yes it is true that your friend might be a Hot Mess. And maybe you're an expert in the field that they are struggling in. But if you don't give them the opportunity to figure anything out for themselves, how will they ever learn?

A supportive friend should do the following:

• lend an ear, and listen carefully
• give empathetic feedback, such as "I'm sorry you're experiencing this" or "I understand what you're going through, I have been there before"
• Give advice only when it is requested
• Help them find the silver lining, without overstepping your boundaries
• Allow them to process the situation at their own pace and in a way that is feels right for them, after all, it is their life.

A supportive friend should not do the following:

• Talk more than they listen
• Give super direct advice without allowing the person in need to figure anything out themselves
• Be judgemental or frustrated, especially if this is a recurring incident
• Talk about how amazing they are at dealing with these situations in comparison
• Bring them ice cream or wine to fix the problem. Food and drinks don't fix problems: unconditional love, compassion and reflection does.

​Being a supportive friend is not about having all the answers, or the perfect action plan to get your friend out of a funk. It's about being supportive. It's about loving people unconditionally while they stumble along this journey we call life.
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So the next time you're ready to dive in and play "Super BFF" remind yourself that strength comes from resistance, and although our #spiritualsquats can be very uncomfortable, they always serve our highest good.

Have faith in your friend and the process of life. We live and we learn. We grow and evolve each day as we overcome obstacles. Difficult emotions always serve us and assist us in our evolution, so recognize that we are always exactly where we need to be and that your friend doesn't always need saving.

At the end of the day, your presence will be plenty in supporting your friend as they figure life out. Often times, all we need is a sympathetic ear, a solid hug, and for a friend to hold space while we reflect and evolve along our lives.

Shine bright and remember to listen,
​-L.K.

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