Are You An Emotional Hoarder?

​Have you ever watched the TV show “Hoarders”? How did it make you feel?

For me, I felt instant shame. Not because my home was filled to the roof with worthless keepsakes and trash, but because my mind was. I saw many similarities between myself and the Hoarders on TV, who were completely oblivious to how out of control the situation had become. 

I can remember hoarding my emotional baggage as early as the age of six, when I was living in an abusive household, with an absentee father, and little to no stability. When life became too stressful, I learned the trick of burying these stressful emotions into symbolic mental boxes, and storing them in dark corners in the back of my mind. Heck, after I had collected enough of them I could position them to make a mental fort: a safe place where I could hide when I wasn’t feeling safe. No one could get in and I didn’t have to deal with what I was experiencing, it seemed like a win-win at the time.

As a child, I did such a good job hiding all those boxes in the back of my mind that I continued to do it well into my 20’s before I even realized how much I had collected. The stacks of mental baggage were becoming unstable, and as a result so was I. One day I would be feeling great, but the next day something would shake me up and send a pile of those boxes crashing down on me like an emotional avalanche. When my instability began to send my marriage spiralling out of control I knew my intervention had officially arrived.

This moment of clarity brought about a lot of questions, doubts and fears. How does one clean out their emotional baggage? Where do I start? How will I find it? Who am I without it? What if I can’t do this? 

This needed to be a safe, loving and supportive journey, so I approach the situation very delicately. I chose to see my mind as a messy home, and made a vow not to judge myself for leaving it so unkept for so long. This was a massive project, so I created subgoals that seemed less daunting. Without entirely knowing what I was going to find, I came up with a basic game-plan for finding, feeling and releasing my emotions, and I’ve listed them below:

1. Meditation: I knew most of my baggage had been created in my childhood, so I began my journey to emotional healing with a guided meditation from Mark J Ryan entitled “Inner Child Meditation”. Guided meditations are so helpful as a starting point of an emotional healing. They can guide you through many obstacles, and can be found for free on YouTube. This specific meditation helped me create a better understanding and relationship with my subconscious mind and my inner child.
2. Open the Floodgates: In a very safe space, I allowed my mind to open and got brutally honest with myself. There were many things I did not want to remember about my past, but how can I destroy a monster I cannot see? I had to identify every single thing that had ever happened to me, so that I could consciously choose to release it. I wrote everything down feverishly, filling pages upon pages of memories I’d prefer to forget. At first they trickled in slowly, but once the floodgate opens, it was like an emotional dam burst and I became flooded with it all. I wanted to run away, but knew I had to stick with it if I’d ever be free of it.
3. Feel the Emotions: After years of avoiding the pain, it was time to experience and release it once and for all in a blaze of glory. I had to honor my journey and experiences by feeling it in it’s entirety. Running from emotions only give them more power, by feeling my feelings with max intensity for as long as it took I could suck it dry of all it’s energy. And then it was onto the next memory. This step could take days, weeks, or even months. We must all do it at our own pace. Just like cleaning a house, it takes time. I can’t just snap my finger and expect my home to be immaculate. I grabbed my childhood stuffed animal for support, curled up in bed, and gave myself permission to fall apart. I kicked and screamed to release anger, I sobbed to release sorrow, and then I laughed because I knew these ghosts would no longer be haunting me.
4. Reduce, Reuse, Recycle: When I ran out of tears and felt flooded with relief, I began to reflect on my old memories. I almost didn’t recognize them without their gloomy, dark powers they once held over my head. Many memories now seemed trivial and almost silly. Each and every memory (good or bad) has the potential to deliver divine wisdom to us, if we are willing to see it. By taking out the emotions of these hardships I was able to reflect and sort these memories into piles on my “mental front lawn” to decide their fate. Positive, empowering memories were happily kept and cherished within my mind. Painful memories were next to be analyzed. Before any negative memories
5. were thrown away they were sent to recycling, to see if they could be repurposed. I polished them up, inspected them for things I may have missed, and was able to find some wonderful treasures, in the form of lessons and wisdom. I then discarded the remainder of the memories that weren’t as valuable, such as guilt, resentment or fear. I was left with positive memories, and wonderful life lessons. Freedom from emotional hoarder was mine at last!
6. Upkeep: After the “big clean up” I became very aware of keeping my emotional closets clean moving forward. If I’m ever feeling overwhelmed, or if I haven’t done this process in a while, I will schedule a day to reorganize my mind. Just like a clean house, it’s only naturally that it’s going to get a little dirty from time to time when we get busy with life. I don’t judge myself or feel bad about it, I just pull out the mental cleaning supplies and get to work. 
   

​Freedom from emotional hoarding has meant freedom to live my life fully, embracing the highs and the lows. I have a new found confidence that I can handle my emotions as they pop up, and that I don’t need to run from them any longer.

Cleaning out my emotional baggage cleared space for wonderful new memories, and an appreciation for my past. I am no longer a prisoner of my past, drudging through my day pulling that heavy baggage along with me. It has given me a new lease on life, and I challenge each and every one of you reading this to take a look in your own emotional closets and see what you can release, reuse and recycle. 

The best way to move past something, is to move through it. With a little courage, we can all free ourselves from the shackles of the past, and can break the chains that have been pulling us from moving in the direction of our dreams.

​Be brave wellness warriors, and know that you can do this.

Sending love, light, and emotional wellness, ​
-L.K.